If you have been following my blog over the past year you will notice that every now and then I share poems by John Roedel* that I come across on facebook that resonate with me on a number of levels.
These personal conversations with God that John shares I’ve found quite relevant to my own journey of life and faith.
Especially today as I’m sitting in Hutt Hospital again having another infusion of Rituximab.
Because there have been moments in my life where I’ve struggled with breathing. That’s what Interstitial Lung Disease associated with Scleroderma can do to you – for the most part my lung capacity sits between 50-60%, occasionally, if I have any kind of inflammation in my body it can drop below 40%.
Think on that for just a moment – How would you cope if your lungs were operating at about 50-60%?
The thing is, breathing is one of the most basic functions of the human body as it not only fuels the body with oxygen, every system in our bodies relies on “the breath of life”.
Effective breathing provides you with the essentials of life, it provides a greater sense of mental clarity, it can also help you sleep better, digest food more efficiently, improve your body’s immune response, and reduce stress levels.
But when it is impaired through rare disorders and diseases such as Interstitial Lung Disease associated with Scleroderma, which is also seen as an invisible disability, it can affect you in a myriad of ways.
You can read about my health journey here.

Interstitial Lung Disease certainly makes you appreciate the importance of breathing.
However, I had never thought about breathing being sacred and that it can be a beautiful prayer.
Breathing is Sacred
Me: Hey God.
God: Hey John.
Me: My mind is such a mess right now.
God: It would probably be wise if you didn’t focus so much on your thoughts today.
Me: I know. I’m sure what you will say next is that you want me to focus on the beating of my heart.
God: That does sound like something I would say, doesn’t it?
Me: Yeah – but my heart isn’t much better.
God: I can see that. Actually, I was about to tell you that should focus on your lungs.
Me: My lungs?
God: Yes, your breathing. Focus on your breathing.
Me: I can’t. I think I’m having a panic attack. It’s hard to breathe.
God: Close your eyes. Inhale. Focus on the air in your lungs and the gift of life you have been given. Hold onto your breath for a moment and you will feel my arms wrap around you. I am with you here. This day is not yours alone to face. I am here. I am here. With every breath you take I am here with you. You will not have to endure your anxiety alone. Exhale and allow yourself to feel the peace of my presence.
Me: I don’t think I am going to make it through this whole day.
God: Don’t worry about your entire day. Just worry about the next breath you are going to take. Take another breath. Hold on to it. Remember that I have loved you since the first star was ever born. Then exhale and rest in Me. Keep doing that over and over until it happens…
Me: Until what happens?
God: The exact moment where stop taking breathing for granted and you begin treating it like the prayer it is.
Me: Wait – breathing is a prayer?
God: It can be if you allow it to be. If you treat breathing as sacred it will become one of the most beautiful prayers you will ever offer and you will hear My sweet song that I am constantly singing back to you.
Me: What’s Your song called?
God: Be still and know that I am God.
* * * * * * * * * * *
when my angry brain
is racing my poor heart
to see which one
will break down first
my lungs become
the eye of the storm
and I begin to inhale
grace
and peace
and a love that I cannot imagine
and suddenly I am not
alone in my dark room
anymore
God is here
and has turned my
jagged breathing
into an instrument
of mercy
playing the loveliest ballad
I have ever heard
God sings
“Be still.
Be still.
Be still.
I am here.
Be still.
All is well.
Be still.
I am God.
Be still.
Fall into My love.
Be still.
I am here.”
During my darkest
nights I allow God
to use my lungs as
a piano
and I know that
I will never be alone.
breathing in grace
breathing out redemption
breathing in grace
breathing out redemption
breathing is my new favorite prayer

* John Roedel is a comic, husband and father of three boys based in Wyoming who began talking with “God” in 2015 on Facebook about his ongoing faith crisis.
What began as a flippant way of making light of his doubts in the Divine turned into something he wasn’t at all prepared for:
God wrote back.
Since creating the popular “Hey God. Hey John.” blog on Facebook three years ago, John has tackled such topics as his journey to mental health wellness, his lack of faith, the joy and pain of raising a child with autism, and grief, all in the form of a simple conversation with God.
You can pick up a copy of John’s latest book ‘Upon Departure’, a collection of poetry that explores the concept that our grief is a natural wonder that terraforms the landscape of our world in increments, from Amazon (Australia) here.
The following words have been written by a good friend of mine here in Wellington, whom I did a ‘
The hopes and fears of all the years are met in Thee tonight.
So I find myself asking some more contemporary questions.
Likewise, we can look back at words such as the carol quoted above and wonder how relevant it is today. I would suggest that the imagery the writer uses continues to speak to us and reminds us of the hope we have in Jesus. That is often the case with other well known and loved songs and carols, but I also question are we open to singing the carol with fresh insight through recrafted words?
My initial reaction to this change was not exactly positive. I found myself wanting to hold on to that which was familiar. It was as if something sacred had been overturned.
Once in Judah’s least known city,
And it is that last line brings it all together for me. Rather than repeat to the gospel truth of the original version, “And He leads His children on To the place where He is gone”, I want my life to reflect this new understanding;
Want some time out from the hustle and bustle of everyday life and / or ministry?


Tomorrow is White Ribbon Day, a day when people wear a white ribbon to show that they do not condone violence towards women.
Unfortunately, in New Zealand most violence by men against women takes place in the home – with an average of 14 women a year killed by their partners or ex-partners. Each year there are over 3,500 convictions recorded against men for assaults on women and one in five women will experience sexual assault or sexual interference at some point in their lives.
Raise Awareness!

All of us have unused skills, gifts and abilities. Maybe you’re still trying to figure out what yours are, or you’ve had to set them aside for a while so that you can concentrate on other things that you feel were more important up until now.
God has invested enormously in you.
The thing is, God wants to bless your life!
God gives us His Son as our greatest gift and He also equips and empowers us by giving us what we call spiritual gifts, or gifts of the Holy Spirit. When you intentionally develop and use these gifts for God, His own Spirit is working in and through you as you trust in Him.
So, if gifts come from God and are given to every Christian, how do you figure out which gifts you have? And how can you learn how to use them?
I’m currently going through some posts / articles that I’ve had, either sitting in my draft posts folder, or flagged / saved in my bookmarks etc. which obviously at some stage throughout the past year appealed to me, or at least I thought would be beneficial posting at a latter date. 
5. “We need to grow in our discipleship before we start a new church.” 





