The world can seem so out of control

If you’ve been following ‘The Life and Times of Perry…‘ over the past few years you will have noticed that every now and then I share poems by John Roedel.*

These often come from his Hey God. Hey John. facebook page in which he shares some of the conversations that he’s had with God. 

This is mainly because they resonate with me on so many levels – I find them so relevant to my own journey of life, ministry and faith.

As I’ve expressed previously, Scleroderma has certainly made me rethink / deconstruct aspects of my life as I deal with the myriad of symptoms that crop up from time to time as I experience life living with an often invisible, rare and incurable autoimmune disease.

The thing is, there are often times when my life can feel as if it is spinning out of kilter and the world can seem so out of control.

The path before me can be uncertain and I’m unsure if the decisions that I’m making are going to be beneficial to me or not in the long run. The way forward is unclear and the challenges seem almost insurmountable.

But throughout all of this, I have to trust; Trust in God, Trust in myself, and Trust in others. Psalm 16:11 says;
“[God] will show me the path of life, in His presence is fullness of joy, at His right hand are pleasures forevermore.”
(New King James Version)

The thing is, trusting in others can at times be extremely challenging, especially if they have let you down in the past, or if they aren’t prepared to listen to what you are saying.

How many of you with Chronic Illnesses can relate to that? You share how you are feeling to the doctor, or specialist and you get the sense that they just wanna move on to the next patient. And that is just one example of many that I’m sure we could all relate too.  

Trusting in myself can also be a challenge, as there are often instances when I was able to do something the other day, only to find that today I just simply can’t manage, at times, the simplest of tasks. This can lead to anger at oneself and frustration 😦

Then the big one, trusting in God – I mean if He was a loving God and all, why would He even allow me to go through this 😦 Surely it is not what He had planned for me and my life? 

Yet for me, if you wipe away everything else, others and even myself – this is the one thing that I hold on to;

God is with me, supporting me and guiding me. Through the good times and the bad, through the ups and downs, holding my hand and helping me navigate the unknown. 

He is the one in control and He will create order out of the chaos, if I lean into Him.    

Now, I am in no way suggesting that the journey is going to be easy, in fact there are times when it is anything but – However, having someone to walk it with you makes one heck of a difference. Or at least it does in my life 🙂

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John writes;

Me: Hey God.
God: Hello, My love!

Me: The world is completely out of control!
God: I know. It’s such an adventure, right?

Me: No! It’s like being on a runaway train! I need to feel like I am in control of my life.
God: You want to be in control?

Me: Yes!
God: You are living on a spinning wet rock of a planet that resides next to a constantly exploding fireball in the middle of an ever-expanding universe that is filled with mysteries beyond your wildest imagination.

Me: Um, okay….
God: And on this planet that you are hurtling through the great expanse in – you are coexisting with billions of other people who have free-will and their own experiences that shape their perspectives and beliefs.

Me: Yeah…?
God: And while all this is going on your soul is residing in a physical body that is such a miracle of delicate engineering that at any given moment could produce its last heartbeat.

Me: Right…
God: What is it about your existence that you think you have any control of?

Me: Um…
God: Come on – you know the answer to this. What can you control?

Me: How kind I am to people?
God: Yep and one other thing.

Me: What’s that?
God: How kind you are to yourself. Aside from that – most of everything else is a bit outside of your design.

Me: This is a bit terrifying…
God: All great adventures are!

You may also be interested in reading the following:

• Be a Lighthouse
• Don’t be Afraid
• Becoming!
• This is NOT how I planned my life to be
• Influence
• Breathing is Sacred
• Focus on the Beautiful

Blessings ’til next time 🙂

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* John Roedel is a comic, husband and father of three boys based in Wyoming who began talking with “God” in 2015 on Facebook about his ongoing faith crisis.

What began as a flippant way of making light of his doubts in the Divine turned into something he wasn’t at all prepared for:

God wrote back.

Since creating the popular “Hey God. Hey John.” Facebook page three years ago, John has tackled such topics as his journey to mental health wellness, his lack of faith, the joy and pain of raising a child with autism, and grief, all in the form of a simple conversation with God.

You can pick up a copy of John’s latest book ‘Fitting in is for Sardines’, a collection of his poetry that focuses on the courage it takes to be who we were born to be. It celebrates how perfectly strange we were all created to be. Different is beautiful!! from Amazon (Australia) here.

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At a bit of a loss

If you have been following my blog over the past year you or so, you will have noticed that every now and then I share poems by John Roedel.*

I’ve been following his Hey God. Hey John. facebook page for a while and every now and again I post some of the conversations with God that John shares.

Mainly because they resonate with me on a number of levels, and I find them so relevant to my own journey of life, ministry and faith.

Scleroderma has certainly made me rethink / deconstruct aspects of my life as I deal with the myriad of symptoms that crop up from time to time as I experience life living with a rare and incurable autoimmune disease.

I find myself as I prepare this post, having to take additional pain killers throughout the day, as the aches and pains throughout my body have been steadily increasing over the past couple of days, especially in my middle back 😦 This definitely doesn’t help with the fatigue that I’m constantly dealing with either.

The thing is, at the moment there are times when I can feel at a bit of a loss.

The path before me is uncertain. I am unsure if the decisions that I’ve made are going to be beneficial to me or not. The way forward is unclear. The challenges seem almost insurmountable.

Then other doubts and fears creep in, and any number of questions arise.

But in all of this, I have to trust; Trust in God, Trust in myself, and Trust in others. For according to Psalm 16:11 “He will show me the path of life, in His presence is fullness of joy, at His right hand are pleasures forevermore.”
(New King James Version)

The trusting in others can at times be extremely challenging, especially if they have let you down in the past, or aren’t prepared to listen to what you are saying. How many of you with Chronic Illnesses can relate to that? You share how you are feeling to the doctor, or specialist and you get the sense that they just wanna move on to the next patient. And that is just one example of many that I’m sure we could all relay.  

Trusting in myself can also be a challenge, as there are often instances when I was able to do something the other day, only to find that today I just simply can’t manage, at times, the simplest of tasks. This can lead to anger at oneself and frustration 😦

Then the big one, or at least for a number of people, trusting in God – I mean if He was a loving God and all, why would He even allow me to go through this 😦 Surely it is not what He had planned for me and my life? 

Yet for me, if you wipe away everything else, others and even myself – this is the one thing that I hold on to; that God is with me, supporting me and guiding me. Through the good times and the bad, through the ups and downs, holding my hand and helping me navigate the wilderness.      

Now, I am in no way suggesting that the journey is going to be easy, in fact there are times when it is anything but – However, having someone to walk it with you makes one heck of a difference. Or at least it does in my life 🙂

John writes;

Me: Hey God.
God: Hello, My love!

Me: Okay, that’s it! I officially don’t know where I’m going. I’m totally lost.
God: Don’t worry. All will be well. Take My hand.

Me: Your hand? You bet! Are you going to help me figure out which way I need to be going?
God: Nah. Right now I want you to enjoy your journey.

Me: I’m not on a journey! I’m lost! There’s a difference!
God: Not always. Being a bit lost can be a remarkable adventure.

Me: I’m sure – but I think I just want You to bring back me to some sort of recognizable path. I hate not knowing where I’m going.

God: Relax. Sometimes being lost will let you find graces in places that you’d never thought you would see. Sometimes being lost will introduce you to amazing people that you would have never met had you been on the beaten path. Sometimes you need to be lost for a while in order to come to know yourself. Sometimes being lost will help you be a witness to miracles that you would have missed. I’m telling you that sometimes being lost can be the best thing ever to happen to you.

Me: If you aren’t going to lead me out of the wilderness, why do you want me to hold Your hand?
God: To show you that you’re not alone. Just because your lost doesn’t mean that you are on your own. I am on this journey with you. I’m right with you.

Me: I’m scared.
God: Lace your fingers with Mine and nothing will harm you. 

LET’S WANDER TOGETHER!

Me: Which way should I go?
God: You pick. Any way you go I will be with you. Any way you go –

Me: You will have something beautiful to show me?
God: You’re getting good at this!

You may also be interested in reading the following:

• Be a Lighthouse
• Don’t be Afraid
• Becoming!
• This is NOT how I planned my life to be
• Influence
• Breathing is Sacred
• Focus on the Beautiful

Blessings ’til next time 🙂

---

* John Roedel is a comic, husband and father of three boys based in Wyoming who began talking with “God” in 2015 on Facebook about his ongoing faith crisis.

What began as a flippant way of making light of his doubts in the Divine turned into something he wasn’t at all prepared for:

God wrote back.

Since creating the popular “Hey God. Hey John.” Facebook page three years ago, John has tackled such topics as his journey to mental health wellness, his lack of faith, the joy and pain of raising a child with autism, and grief, all in the form of a simple conversation with God.

You can pick up a copy of John’s latest book ‘Fitting in is for Sardines’, a collection of his poetry that focuses on the courage it takes to be who we were born to be. It celebrates how perfectly strange we were all created to be. Different is beautiful!! from Amazon (Australia) here.

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Focus on the Beautiful

There I was on Friday in one of my favourite places enjoying the sound of birds in the trees and along the pathways, the rustling of the breeze and the babbling of water as it fills the dam, the heat of the sun on my back as I took a leisurely stroll around Zealandia.

All the while acknowledging how blessed we are here in New Zealand to be able to do this, considering that we are within a few kilometers of the hustle and bustle of one of the largest cities in the country. 

While taking a much needed breather I was free to focus on the beautiful and I was reminded of a poem by John Roedel* that I had saved on Facebook for posting here at some stage in the future – that day has come 🙂

You see, John has a unique ability to be able to put into words how I’m feeling and I know I’m not the only one that can say that, as his writings are being shared all around the world. His personal conversations with God that he shares I’ve found quite relevant to my own journey of life and faith, and they resonate with me on a number of levels. He writes:

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Me: Hey God.
God: Hey John.

Me: Our world is so ugly.
God: Ugly? No way. Not even close.

Me: Uh, when was the last time you watched the news?
God: I’ve never watched the news.

Me: That means you don’t really know what’s going on right now!
God: I know exactly what’s going on.

Me: Prove it!

God: Right now there is a homeless woman being cared for by a volunteer named Allison in a shelter. They are sharing a couple of bowls of turkey soup together under a flickering fluorescent light. In a couple of minutes, they’re going to be surprised once they discover that they are both widows. For the next hour they’re going to talk and tell stories about their deceased beloveds. They are going to laugh and cry. Right now in that shelter, these two lovely women are connecting with and serving one another profoundly. That’s what’s happening in the world. It’s not ugly. It’s beautiful.

Me: Yes, but didn’t you see that report on terrorism last night that said –

God: I didn’t see that. But I did see a baby giggling for the first time this morning in an apartment in India.

His face exploded with joy and gladness because of the silly sounds his older sister was making.

I love watching little babies laugh – especially when they had never done it before. It was pure and simple.

In just a couple of moments, the entire family gathered around him and all took turns making crazy noises to keep him laughing. It was beautiful. When was the last time you made a baby laugh? When was the last time you exposed yourself to that kind of radiant happiness?

Me: I can’t remember – although, that’s not the point. How can you not see what’s going on out there?

God: You know what I can see right now? I see life. I see miracles. I see a bright red hummingbird flirt with a pastel yellow sunflower. I see an excited teenage girl fill out her application to go to college so she can follow her dream of becoming a doctor. I see an elderly couple holding hands on a park bench.

I can see a two-hundred-year-old-tree being climbed by a couple of children. I can see the vast ocean meet the shoreline and listen to the tide splash against the rocks. I can see the moon and the sun and the endless network of galaxies that your blue spinning planet is a part of. I can see all of the atoms that make up who you are.

All of it is a miracle. Miracles are all I see. I see life. I see courage. I see people helping each other. I see creation. I see love. I don’t see ugly. I see beauty. Remarkable beauty.

(Photo Credit: Marcus Wallis)

Me: What about all of the horrible things? Are You just ignoring them?

God: No. I see those too – and I am just as fully present in those dark moments – but you have started to believe that is all there is.

Me: I know…

God: There is more light and goodness in your world than there is shadows and violence. Quit fixing your gaze on the darkness.

There is nothing that will feed you there. Put your eyes upon the miracles that surround you. If you baptize yourself in the toxicity of the fear-lingering news you will unknowingly become an evangelist for it.

Me: I’ve been kind of a prophet of doom lately..

God: The world is so incredibly beautiful and I have placed constant reminders of that fact all around you. I want you to spend the rest of your day listening for and looking for beauty. Turn off the “scary news” and start being a witness to all of the good news that is happening right now before your own eyes. I want you to report back later with what you find.

Me: This sounds like homework.

God: I call it soulwork.

 

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Just 10 minutes from central Wellington, Zealandia is a must-see eco-attraction and groundbreaking restoration project: a nature lover’s paradise and a sanctuary by the city!

See some of New Zealand’s rarest birds, reptiles and insects living wild in their natural environment, including hihi, tuatara, saddleback, kākā and (at night) little spotted kiwi.

“As I hike further into this wilderness, the only sounds are birdsong and the wind stirring the tops of pine trees lining the ridge. It’s a wonderful place to decompress – the perfect break from the perfect city break.”
Nikki Marshall, The Guardian

 

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* John Roedel is a comic, husband and father of three boys based in Wyoming who began talking with “God” in 2015 on Facebook about his ongoing faith crisis.

What began as a flippant way of making light of his doubts in the Divine turned into something he wasn’t at all prepared for:

God wrote back.

Since creating the popular “Hey God. Hey John.” blog on Facebook three years ago, John has tackled such topics as his journey to mental health wellness, his lack of faith, the joy and pain of raising a child with autism, and grief, all in the form of a simple conversation with God.

You can pick up a copy of John’s latest book ‘Upon Departure’, a collection of poetry that explores the concept that our grief is a natural wonder that terraforms the landscape of our world in increments, from Amazon (Australia) here.

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Breathing is Sacred

If you have been following my blog over the past year you will notice that every now and then I share poems by John Roedel* that I come across on facebook that resonate with me on a number of levels.

These personal conversations with God that John shares I’ve found quite relevant to my own journey of life and faith.

Especially today as I’m sitting in Hutt Hospital again having another infusion of Rituximab.

Because there have been moments in my life where I’ve struggled with breathing. That’s what Interstitial Lung Disease associated with Scleroderma can do to you – for the most part my lung capacity sits between 50-60%, occasionally, if I have any kind of inflammation in my body it can drop below 40%.

Think on that for just a moment – How would you cope if your lungs were operating at about 50-60%?

The thing is, breathing is one of the most basic functions of the human body as it not only fuels the body with oxygen, every system in our bodies relies on “the breath of life”.

Effective breathing provides you with the essentials of life, it provides a greater sense of mental clarity, it can also help you sleep better, digest food more efficiently, improve your body’s immune response, and reduce stress levels.

But when it is impaired through rare disorders and diseases such as Interstitial Lung Disease associated with Scleroderma, which is also seen as an invisible disability, it can affect you in a myriad of ways.
You can read about my health journey here.

Interstitial Lung Disease certainly makes you appreciate the importance of breathing.

However, I had never thought about breathing being sacred and that it can be a beautiful prayer.

Breathing is Sacred

Me: Hey God.
God: Hey John.

Me: My mind is such a mess right now.
God: It would probably be wise if you didn’t focus so much on your thoughts today.

Me: I know. I’m sure what you will say next is that you want me to focus on the beating of my heart.
God: That does sound like something I would say, doesn’t it?

Me: Yeah – but my heart isn’t much better.
God: I can see that. Actually, I was about to tell you that should focus on your lungs.

Me: My lungs?
God: Yes, your breathing. Focus on your breathing.

Me: I can’t. I think I’m having a panic attack. It’s hard to breathe.
God: Close your eyes. Inhale. Focus on the air in your lungs and the gift of life you have been given. Hold onto your breath for a moment and you will feel my arms wrap around you. I am with you here. This day is not yours alone to face. I am here. I am here. With every breath you take I am here with you. You will not have to endure your anxiety alone. Exhale and allow yourself to feel the peace of my presence.

Me: I don’t think I am going to make it through this whole day.

God: Don’t worry about your entire day. Just worry about the next breath you are going to take. Take another breath. Hold on to it. Remember that I have loved you since the first star was ever born. Then exhale and rest in Me. Keep doing that over and over until it happens…

Me: Until what happens?
God: The exact moment where stop taking breathing for granted and you begin treating it like the prayer it is.

Me: Wait – breathing is a prayer?
God: It can be if you allow it to be. If you treat breathing as sacred it will become one of the most beautiful prayers you will ever offer and you will hear My sweet song that I am constantly singing back to you.

Me: What’s Your song called?
God: Be still and know that I am God.

* * * * * * * * * * *

when my angry brain
is racing my poor heart
to see which one
will break down first

my lungs become
the eye of the storm
and I begin to inhale

grace
and peace
and a love that I cannot imagine

and suddenly I am not
alone in my dark room
anymore

God is here
and has turned my
jagged breathing
into an instrument
of mercy

playing the loveliest ballad
I have ever heard

God sings

“Be still.
Be still.
Be still.
I am here.
Be still.
All is well.
Be still.
I am God.
Be still.
Fall into My love.
Be still.
I am here.”

During my darkest
nights I allow God
to use my lungs as
a piano
and I know that
I will never be alone.

breathing in grace
breathing out redemption
breathing in grace
breathing out redemption

breathing is my new favorite prayer

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* John Roedel is a comic, husband and father of three boys based in Wyoming who began talking with “God” in 2015 on Facebook about his ongoing faith crisis.

What began as a flippant way of making light of his doubts in the Divine turned into something he wasn’t at all prepared for:

God wrote back.

Since creating the popular “Hey God. Hey John.” blog on Facebook three years ago, John has tackled such topics as his journey to mental health wellness, his lack of faith, the joy and pain of raising a child with autism, and grief, all in the form of a simple conversation with God.

You can pick up a copy of John’s latest book ‘Upon Departure’, a collection of poetry that explores the concept that our grief is a natural wonder that terraforms the landscape of our world in increments, from Amazon (Australia) here.

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Influence

Every now and again on my blog I share poems by John Roedel that I’ve come across on facebook that resonate with me on a number of levels.

For me the below poem connects with the notion of influence! Influence is something that we each have in the lives of those that we come in contact with, each and every day.

Sometimes it can be good, pleasant and life-giving, and sometimes… not quite as much.

Every person that has ever inspired you will have carried a powerful mixture of hope, capacity and resilience. And your encounter with them will have made you, to some level, more hopeful, more capable, or more resilient.

That’s the life-changing practical reality of inspiration!

The thing is, as a Christian our influence, whether we realise it or not – will either point somebody towards God, or away from knowing Him altogether.

So, if you would like to know more about the kind of influence that you bring to situations, then drop me a line via email or leave a comment below, as the Natural Character Development Inspiration Test and coaching process may benefit you 🙂  

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You are somebody’s front porch to God.
You are someone’s doorway to mercy.
You are the world’s threshold to kindness.
You are my entrance to letting go of regret.

No pressure, but…

Your life is a gateway to peace
for both strangers and friends alike.

Whether you realize it or not…

Empathy has chosen you to turn your
heart into a welcome mat for the rest of us.

This is purpose of your life…

To let your existence become a candlelit
veranda of hope for the rest of us to
gather on during the long night.

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John Roedel is a comic, husband and father of three boys based in Wyoming who began talking with “God” in 2015 on Facebook about his ongoing faith crisis.

What began as a flippant way of making light of his doubts in the Divine turned into something he wasn’t at all prepared for:

God wrote back.

Since creating the popular “Hey God. Hey John.” blog on Facebook three years ago, John has tackled such topics as his journey to mental health wellness, his lack of faith, the joy and pain of raising a child with autism, and grief, all in the form of a simple conversation with God.

You can pick up a copy of John’s latest book ‘Upon Departure’, a collection of poetry that explores the concept that our grief is a natural wonder that terraforms the landscape of our world in increments, from Amazon (Australia) here.

Read Full Post »

This is NOT how I planned my life to be

I don’t know about you but when I look at what I’m having to go through in life today, due to my health condition Scleroderma, I’m left feeling that this is NOT how I planned my life to be.

Now, don’t get me wrong – I am one of the lucky ones! I have a roof over my head, a car in the driveway and a secure vocation. Annette & I have worked hard to get to where we are at and we have been truly blessed in more ways than we could imagine.

We’ve also been able to give back in so many ways and take in waifs and strays from time to time so that they can get a reasonable start in a new location.

With all our children having already left to pursue their own lives, or either in the process of leaving home, we are in an interesting stage of life – we are starting to experience the ‘Empty Nest Syndrome’.

According to Wikipedia the “empty nest syndrome is a feeling of grief and loneliness parents may feel when their children move out of the family home, such as to live on their own or to attend a college or university.”

Symptoms can include phases of; Loneliness, Emotional distress, A loss of purpose, Fear of a lack of control, Worry and anxiety, Depression, Grief and Relief.

These symptoms are further compounded for Annette & I by the fact that we’re already having to make adjustments to the way we’ve been living our lives, due to the limitations that Scleroderma has on my life.

Which thankfully at this stage are not huge or onerous, but they do raise some interesting challenges from time to time.

Rick Warren, founder and senior pastor of Saddleback Church and author of the Purpose Driven Church and Purpose Driven Life among others, is quoted as saying that; “God’s plan isn’t a map for your life that you see all at once, but a scroll unrolled a little at a time.“

Which maybe is just as well for many of us as I’m sure that if we knew years ago what we’d have to face today – just maybe we’d want to choose a different path.

However, in light of all this I’m pretty sure that the majority of us affected by rare disorders or diseases, or even those going through some level of upheaval in their lives due to illness or just life in general, can relate to the following poem written by John Roedel.

 

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this isn’t how I planned for
my life to look like,” I whispered
under my breath as I walked to my car

“tell me about it,”
an eavesdropping cloud
replied to me from above

I looked up and watched
the cloud billow between looking
like a dove and an open hand

the cloud continued:

“I used to be a snowfield in Montana.
I used to be a dewdrop kiss on a lily.
I used to be a puddle in a parking lot.
I used to be a river in Mexico.
I used to be a glacier.
I used to be a waterfall mist in a jungle.

I used to be so many things.”

“doesn’t that make you sad?”
I asked the cloud

“it used to – but not anymore,”
the cloud replied while wrapping herself around me like a scarf.
“I don’t think either of us were created
to stay the same form our entire life.”

“I’m not sure I can let go of my old life,”
I sighed.

“oh you simply must,”
the cloud whispered in my ear.

“because once you release what you used to be and embrace who you are meant to be now – something amazing will happen,”
the cloud said

“what’s that?” I asked
while looking at my hands that were
beginning to billow and shapeshift.

“you’ll start to float.”

and with that my feet lifted off the ground.

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John Roedel is a comic, husband and father of three boys based in Wyoming who began talking with “God” in 2015 on Facebook about his ongoing faith crisis.

What began as a flippant way of making light of his doubts in the Divine turned into something he wasn’t at all prepared for:

God wrote back.

Since creating the popular “Hey God. Hey John.” blog on Facebook three years ago, John has tackled such topics as his journey to mental health wellness, his lack of faith, the joy and pain of raising a child with autism, and grief, all in the form of a simple conversation with God.

You can pick up a copy of John’s latest book ‘Upon Departure’, a collection of poetry that explores the concept that our grief is a natural wonder that terraforms the landscape of our world in increments, from Amazon (Australia) here.

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