About the same time that I was sharing the latest update on my health condition last week, I came across the following post entitled “I Had Already Died” on the ‘Join Us Down The Illness Rabbit Hole‘ site.
It resonated with me on so many levels as I found it not only personally relevant to life dealing with an incurable disease and pertinent to my faith.
But I could also identify with the author, especially when it comes to having to explain to others what my condition is and how potentially serious it is.
Even more so in the Covid environment in which we live in today!
The thing is outward appearances can be deceiving. Often people can look at me and comment that I’m looking good, there doesn’t look like there is anything wrong with me.
A bit like the image of an apple that appears juicy and perfect to eat, yet when you slice it open you find that somehow the insides are damaged.
Believe me there have been times when I do wonder if it is all in my head, as one day I can be right as rain, accomplishing a whole heap of tasks and feeling good, pushing myself just a little bit to do more and more. The next day I’ll be struggling to get the motivation needed to start the day due to slightly over doing it the day or two before.
You see, there is an ongoing internal battle happening inside my body that is demanding more and more of my energy reserves just to keep me going, and sometimes when the energy reserves are depleted – their just aint nothing left to recoup without prolonged periods of rest and recuperation.
A woman from Maine called Em who is a wife, mother of 2, and grandmother of 3 writes:
We are all dying. People who are battling health issues, are just more aware of this
I get asked all the time, how do I deal with knowing I have an incurable illness & I could die. This always perplexes me. No one knows when they’ll die. We do know that we will all die.
I actually find myself focusing more on living right now, in this moment, than I do on dying. A lot of healthy people seem to waste a lot of time, having a lack of appreciation for every minute. Whereas people with an illness, treasure every second and they are keenly aware that death comes for us all.
I’m a firm believer in the idea that we are only given so many minutes to live. How many minutes we will get is on God. But how we spend those minutes is on us. I have always told my kids, “Don’t waste your minutes”. I pretty much say it to everyone now.
I have no idea if I’ll live an average lifespan or if my life will be cut short due to my illness. None of us know these things. Since I got sick, I’ve been trying to live in the present, to count my blessings, to notice things more & to never take my minutes for granted.
A couple years after my diagnosis, I thought to myself, my grandchildren will never know me healthy. That new people I meet, are meeting a completely different “me”, from the one I used to be. It was in that moment that I realized I had already died. The old me was gone. This is the me I’m stuck with, the me born out of illness. It was up to me to shape who I was to become.
I’ve had to accept many things. Death being one of them. I will fight to get as much enjoyment & meaning out of my life as I can.
I will live, love, learn & laugh fiercely. I will do my best to NOT waste one minute.
Imagine a world where we all realize we are dying. Where we choose life & never waste our minutes.
You can read more of Em’s posts here.
As a Christian after reading this I was left with some thoughts and feelings to ponder – Firstly that I can relate to the idea of leaving the former things behind, the old life has gone and a new one is dawning.
I’ve had to do this numerous times in my life, moving from one side of the world to the other as a young fella and then shifting houses and appointments often leaving people that I’ve grown to love and appreciate behind as we develop new friends and establish ourselves in new communities.
New people that I meet do not know the kind of person I used to be – My life has been indelibly changed on so many levels through these experiences and sometimes I wonder what life would have been like if I’d been able to settle down in one location.
Even now with my illness there are some things that I thoroughly enjoy that I’ve had to stop doing, which could get depressing if one was to dwell on it for too long.
But we gotta keep on moving on in life and living for the moment, because we don’t know if it will be our last. And I don’t want to sound flippant here but too many people get hung up on stuff that they don’t need to worry about.
Secondly, I have died to self and I try to live my life in such a way that I challenge, encourage and build up others as best as I can and when given permission to do so – Hopefully providing much needed inspiration to others as they face challenges in their own lives.
God doesn’t say anywhere in the Bible that we are going to have a cruisy life, in fact quite the opposite, but He does say that He will go with us. And He invites us each into an awesome adventure that is to involve others.
And I’d like to think that when people look at my life they will look back at it and say that I was able to inspire others to better deal with whatever they were going through and that my example invoked something within them to aspire for something more.
You see, thirdly I try to look to the positives, I’ve always been a bit of an optimist. I try to look and find a way forward to a brighter and better future regardless of what we are facing in the moment – and I’m also prepared to give anything a go.
Even more so now, especially when it comes to options around medications and the like – After all the medications that we could try may just work.
And we have gotta believe that with the advancements being made with medicine all around the world as the countries around the globe grapple with how to respond to the Covid pandemic and treat respiratory diseases, that a cure may be found – or at least new medications will be developed that will assist those affected like me with Scleroderma and Interstitial Lung Disease, or other Autoimmune Diseases and Disorders feel better and lead a healthier lives.
Bing Crosby sang about accentuating the positives, I may be showing my age just a tad here, although in many regards the song was released way before my time 😊However, when we do focus on the positives we may start realising that we can get through whatever we are facing without getting too bogged down in the negatives.
We only have this one life to live, so we may as well live it to the full and enjoy it to the max for Jesus came to give us life so that we can have joy and live it abundantly, according to John 10:10 (The Voice).
I choose life and don’t want to waste another moment – How about you?